Why is Porn Addictive?

Porn is addictive for the same reason that many drugs are addictive. Neuroscientist Dr. William Struthers explains how the brain reacts to viewing pornography repeatedly:

As men fall deeper into the mental habit of fixating on these images, the exposure to them creates neural pathways. Like a path is created in the woods with each successive hiker, so do the neural paths set the course for the next time an erotic image is viewed. Over time these neural paths become wider as they are repeatedly traveled with each exposure to pornography. They become the automatic pathway through which interactions with women are routed. The neural circuitry anchors this process solidly in the brain. With each lingering stare, pornography deepens the Grand Canyon-like gorge in the brain through with images of women are destined to flow. (Wired for Intimacy, p.85)

 Dr. Struthers, he explained what hormones and neurotransmitters are involved in porn addiction.

Testosterone

This is a gonadal hormone (produced in the testis) involved in many processes in the body. One of them is the male sexual drive. Testosterone drives a man’s interest in sex. Mentally fantasizing triggers a reflexive response in the body to release testosterone, and the more one does this, the “wave” of testosterone continues to build. Men experience this as an intense and growing desire for sexual release.

This wave of testosterone will occur if a man is thinking about or interacting with his wife, but it also happens when a man is staring at other women or a pornographic image.

Norepinephrine

Norepinephrine is the brain’s version of adrenaline. Unlike adrenaline, it is not a hormone circulating through the body, but like adrenaline, it is responsible for making us alert. It is the neurotransmitter that is responsible for helping us to wake up and fall asleep and helping us to stay alert at work or in class.

During sexual arousal, such as watching pornography, norepinephrine alerts the brain: “Something is about to happen and we need to get ready for it.” It “ramps up” the brain for activity.

Serotonin

Serotonin is a neurotransmitter tied to mood. Low serotonin levels can lead to someone struggling with depression.

While not specifically tied to sex, when sexual arousal happens, serotonin is released in small packets in the brain, elevating someone’s overall sense of excitement and enjoyment.

Dopamine

The brain is wired in such a way that it wants to remember where our natural drives are satisfied. For instance, when we are thirsty and find water, the brain is wired to place significance on the place we found it so we can return to that place.

Dopamine is the drive-related neurotransmitter that accomplishes this mental focus for us. When we have a natural craving, small packets of dopamine surge from the region known as the mesencephalon into our limbic system, which is a part of the brain responsible for emotion and learning. Because dopamine is about focus and significance, when we have a dopamine surge the sense we feel is, “I have got to have this thing. This is what I need right now, and here’s where I get it.”

Dopamine is not sexually specific like testosterone, but it is released during sexually pleasurable experiences. Dopamine is the way your brain remembers how sexual craving was satisfied in the past, pushing you to seek out the same thing in the future. When it comes to someone addicted to pornography, dopamine creates a sharp focus on finding porn.

Endogenous Opiates

The body produces natural forms of opium called endorphins. Endorphins relieve pain and, like opium, a euphoric feeling of well-being. A “runners high” is one example of a release of these endorphins.

When a man ejaculates, these opiates are easily released, creating a “high” and a wave of pleasure coursing over the body.

Oxytocin and Vasopressin

Oxytocin and vasopressin are hormones released in the brain, and one of the times they are released is in response to ejaculation. These hormones help to lay down the long-term memories for the cells. They “bind” a person’s memories to the object that gave him the sexual pleasure.

When someone returns to pornography again and again, this cements a “relationship” between a man and what he has seen in the pornography.

Putting it All Together

As a man goes through his day, testosterone levels begin to increase as he stares at women or fantasizes about them, creating a desire for sexual release. Meanwhile, norepinephrine is being released, making his brain more and more alert and ready for action. Serotonin is also released, creating a sense of excitement about his sexual “payoff.” In addition, dopamine is focusing the mind, telling the brain, “You have to go back to the porn. That’s where the reliable payoff is.” Then the man seeks out porn and masturbates, releasing endogenous opiates in the brain, giving him a rush of euphoria. In addition, oxytocin and vasopressin are released, binding him to the images he sees.

Written by Luke Gilkerson

Swapping nude images spells danger for teens

01:04

Police in Rhinelander, Wis., have long been aware that "sexting" — sending sexually explicit photos or text messages — is popular with teenagers.

But until November, when the mother of a Rhinelander High School student turned over a nude image of one of her son's classmates that she found on his cellphone, law enforcement officials had no idea the problem was so pervasive. That single image led police to identify dozens of students, all of whom had been trading explicit images with one another on a regular basis.

Screenshot from Gannett Wisconsin video accompanying investigative report on teen sexting.

(Photo: Screenshot)

"It was overwhelming how many kids were involved," said Oneida County sheriff's Lt. Terri Hook.

Most of the photos were "selfies," private photos that were taken and sent to a boyfriend or girlfriend. Many were forwarded on to friends or posted on social media sites both locally and around the country. In all, hundreds of photos snaked their way through the school; some wound up in the hands of people several states away, police said.

USA TODAY

Teens might face felony charges for sexting

More than 40 students were involved in distributing teen pornography, police said. Few understood that just having the photos in their possession could have landed them in prison — and on the sex offender registry for life.

"For most of these kids, it didn't even seem like a big deal to them. It was just something they did, something they thought everybody did," Hook said.

When the investigation was over, Oneida County officials declined to prosecute. Instead, students and parents attended informational sessions meant to stop the behavior from happening again.

"We could have kept on investigating. We could have, I'm sure, found much more," Hook said. "We stopped, because what was really clear to us was that we had a problem."

The situation in Rhinelander is not uncommon in Wisconsin.

Many teens send sexually explicit photos on their cellphones believing the image will stay private, police and prosecutors say. Yet increasingly, the images are finding their way into the hands of sexual predators, and the teens themselves can be faced with harsh, lifelong penalties for their behavior.

Of the more than 130 million images containing child pornography examined since 2002 by the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, one in four were initially posted by minors themselves, said John Sheehan, executive director of the organization.

GRAVE CONSEQUENCES, SERIOUS RISKS

For teens, the consequences of sexting can go well beyond the humiliation of appearing naked on every cellphone in math class. A single image can easily jeopardize a job search or quickly torpedo a college application.

David A. Weaver

 (Photo: Submitted)

When those images wind up in the hands of the wrong people, the consequences can be disastrous.

At least 100 children from across the country fell into David Weaver's trap, police say.

Weaver, 51, of Cedarburg, not only collected sexually explicit images, he allegedly tricked teens into believing he was a young girl named "Sara." Once befriended by "Sara," the teens were persuaded to perform sex acts in front of webcams — alone, with friends and — most disturbingly — with dogs — while Weaver secretly recorded them, according to the federal complaint.

Once recorded, the video sessions were uploaded to file-sharing servers, where they were traded worldwide.

Investigators with the Wisconsin Division of Criminal Investigation found more than 250,000 chat threads between Weaver and children and more than 2,000 videos in Weaver's possession, according to court documents. Investigators say they are working to identify the children in the videos, one of whom is believed to be from Wisconsin.

Weaver has pleaded not guilty to producing child pornography.

BLACKMAIL AND MEETUPS

Some sexual predators use the nude images to blackmail teens into producing more pornography of themselves, or even to meet in person.

In 2009, Anthony Stancl of New Berlin was arrested after setting up a fake Facebook account in which he used a female persona to trick dozens of male classmates at Eisenhower High School into sending him nude cellphone photos of themselves, according to Waukesha County court records.

Once the photos were in hand, Stancl blackmailed seven of the students into performing sexual acts with him in parks, bathrooms and other locations after threatening to show the nude photos to other students, according to police.

Stancl was later convicted of sexual assault and sentenced to 15 years in prison.

Praveen Kharb, 38, of Gurgaon, India, appears at his arraignment.

 (Photo: Alison Dirr/Daily Herald Media)

Last year, parents in Marathon County called police when their 12-year-old daughter disclosed she had been raped by a 38-year-old man she met on Kik, a popular instant messaging application. An investigation showed Praveen Kharb, a native of India who was living in Bellevue, Wash., when the alleged crime took place, spent months communicating with the girl. He sent her expensive gifts before flying to the Wausau area to meet her, police said.

"The victim in this case had no idea she was dealing with a predator," said Theresa Wetzsteon, deputy district attorney for Marathon County.

Kharb has been extradited to Marathon County, where he has pleaded not guilty plea to first-degree sexual assault of a child. A jury trial is set for April.

LASTING EFFECTS

Despite efforts by school officials and law enforcement to stop the behavior, middle- and high-school students continue to swap racy photos in record numbers. Many parents are oblivious to what's happening on their child's phone, and most teens don't seem to understand the consequences.

Nationwide, nearly 40 percent of students said they had either sent or received a sexually explicit image of themselves, according to a 2014 survey by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, nearly double the rate of similar studies performed five years earlier.

Many students surveyed did not know that any sexually explicit image of a child age 17 or younger is considered child pornography. Simply having it is a felony.

"It's frustrating because you wonder, where does it end? Will it ever stop?" said Anthony Reince, a school resource officer with the Wausau Police Department. "In reality, the only way you can stop it is to prevent it from happening in the first place."

LEGAL REPERCUSSIONS

Sexting can also get teens in trouble with the law. Teens in several states, including Wisconsin, have been charged with felonies — including sexual abuse of a minor and distributing or possessing child pornography — for sexting, even when the nude images are traded with other teens.

Teens holding smartphones

 (Photo: nensuria, Getty Images/iStockphoto)

In 2012, state lawmakers passed into law a mandatory, minimum three-year prison sentence for possessing child pornography. Previously, judges had the discretion to order lesser penalties depending on the circumstances. That means a 17-year-old who receives explicit images from a younger friend can be sent to prison for possession of child pornography.

The consequences of sexting can be undoubtedly serious, especially when trading explicit images results in more serious crimes such as blackmail or sexual assault. But increasingly, judges and lawmakers recognize that criminalizing every case, especially those involving common teenage behavior, might not be the best response.

Some states have passed sexting-specific statutes to lessen the penalties against minors engaged in sexting. For example, Texas has passed a law that will impose a misdemeanor on a minor's first sexting offense. Under the statute, a minor may be sentenced to community supervision if he or she completes a state-sponsored sexting education course.

Elsewhere, a judge in Ohio crafted an unorthodox sentence to help a group of minors understand the harm of distributing nude photos of themselves.

Eight teens who traded nude photos on their phones were sentenced to complete a community-service project: The judge told them to poll their peers about the consequences of sexting. An overwhelming majority of their classmates did not know that trading sexually explicit photos among minors is illegal, according to media reports.

USA TODAY February 21, 2015

Do you know the 7 dangers your kids face online?

Did you know 93% of boys and 62% of girls have been exposed to Internet pornography before the age of 18?

Internet pornography is just one of the dangers facing your kids online. Have you thought about what else your kids are facing?

• 76% of first encounters with online predators happen in chat rooms.
• 51% of kid gamers, especially males (who prefer fighting games), play games online.
• 40% of teens have seen pictures on social networking sites of kids getting drunk, passed out, or using drugs.
• 39% of teens have sent or posted sexually suggestive messages.
• 26% of teens and young adults say someone has written something about them online that was untrue.

Online interactions leave kids open to all sorts of dangers. Your kids need your help for how to stay safe online, and we’re here to help you do that.

Five apps that could be dangerous for kids

If you're a parent or grandparent, you know that kids pick up the latest technology lightning fast. Of course, that means the children in your life can also be using apps and visiting sites that are totally inappropriate for their ages. Worse yet, you might not even realize it.

Tinder is a dating app that underage kids have no business using.

 (Photo: Tinder)

Let's look at five dangerous apps that the children you deeply care about might be using and why they're dangerous.

1. Snapchat

Snapchat is a picture-messaging app whose claim to fame is that the messages last only for a few seconds once they're opened. Then the messages supposedly evaporate into thin air. In theory, you can send embarrassing or risque pictures without being afraid of someone stealing them or distributing them.

Unfortunately, the claim that Snapchat makes it safe to send risque pictures is just plain wrong. It's way too simple for anyone to grab a screenshot of the image before it's deleted. In fact, several teenage boys have gotten in serious legal trouble over the last few years for capturing and distributing illegal photos sent to them by underage girls.

Also, in October 2014 hackers got their hands on thousands of "deleted" Snapchat images that had been stored on third-party servers. While it wasn't exactly a breach of Snapchat, it's further proof that pictures don't always disappear.

In fairness, many teens use Snapchat for innocent picture-conversations with each other. And as Snapchat grows in popularity, the company is moving further away from its sexting association, but it's still a big concern.

If your teen is using Snapchat, ask them to show you how they're using it. Make sure that your teen is only communicating with people that they know, and that they realize the pictures they send don't just vanish forever. Remind them, "Once on the Internet, always on the Internet!"

2. Tinder

While Snapchat has uses besides sharing inappropriate images, Tinder is all about meeting new romantic partners, which probably isn't something you want your teen doing with strangers.

Tinder allows a person to create a profile and see images of potential romantic matches in the immediate area. The person can choose whether they're interested in another user or not. If two people like each other, then they can have a conversation through the app and potentially "hook up." Again, broadcasting images to strangers and potentially meeting them on a whim is not something teens should be doing, in my parental opinion.

Actually, underage teens aren't even supposed to be using this app. The only way to get on the app is to have a Facebook account with a birth date that indicates the user is over 18 years of age. Of course, it is just a simple keyboard entry for a child to set any birth date they wish. There is no verification of the user's age claim.

Any child who ends up on the app will be meeting people who are over legal age. They might come across predators, scammers and any variety of creeps that no one should have to deal with.

In short, Tinder is dangerous for kids. Keep them away from it.

3. Vine

Vine, the app that lets you record and share six-second videos, seems like a totally safe app at first. It gets dangerous when you consider how strong peer pressure is on social media.

Teens, as I'm sure you remember, will do almost anything for acceptance and attention. The best way to get attention on social media is to do something edgy or crazy. Last year, in the most dramatic example yet, teens across the world took to setting themselves on fire.

I'm not kidding. The #FireChallenge hashtag was one of the most popular in August. Click here for my coverage of the shocking trend. This isn't the first or last dangerous "game" to appear online. Click here to learn about seven other "games" your kids shouldn't be involved in.

In response to this, Vine just released the Vine Kids app, which features hand-selected videos that are supposed to be appropriate for younger audiences. Unlike the real Vine app, Vine Kids can't record videos. This might be good for younger kids, but I can guarantee older kids and teenagers will want to use the real Vine app.

If your kid does use Vine, or any social media site, be sure to friend, follow or join them on it to monitor what they're doing and saying. You might also occasionally look at their phone to confirm which apps they have installed, or even review their activity on the site. You'll want to know if they're running with a dangerous crowd or doing something stupid or worse.

4. Whisper

Whisper is an app built specifically for spreading rumors and secrets. It lets users post pictures and text anonymously. Apps like Whisper could potentially be a good outlet for teens as anonymous confessions can help people unburden themselves.

However, Whisper shares the secrets based on geographic location, so the users nearest to you are the ones more likely to see your secret. If your child reveals too much, it can put them in a dangerous situation with friends or adversaries.

The most dangerous apps for teens use GPS tracking to bring people physically together. Cyberbullying is much more hurtful when the person bullying your child moves from online to in-person abuse. In this case, Whisper seems like it could cause teens more harm than good.

5. 9Gag

9Gag is one of the most popular apps to distribute memes and pictures online. The risky part for teens lies within the fact that all kinds of pictures are shared on 9Gag. These pictures aren't moderated and could come from any uploader and feature terrible images you don't want kids seeing.

Not only that, but some 9Gag users are cyberbullies and abuse other users online. Many of the people guilty of "swatting," or getting the police to raid an innocent person's house, come from 9Gag. Click here to learn more about swatting and how to protect your kids from becoming a victim.

If your child has to get their humor fix from somewhere, always try to make sure that they're getting it from a place with rules and regulations that commit to keeping underage users protected.

If you're parenting today, here are two more important tips you might find useful:

• 7 dangerous games the kids play

• 5 places the kids hang out online (Hint: It's not Facebook!)

USA Today 2/6/15

Should You Date a Man Who Struggles with Porn?

Jessica met Brad through a young professionals group at her church and had been going out with him for several weeks. One evening while having coffee with Brad, he confessed to her that he currently struggles with pornography and is trying really hard to stop. 

Jessica wasn’t sure how to process this shocking information and went home with a conflicted heart. She hated the thought of Brad viewing pornography, but didn’t know if it was a big enough deal to end the relationship.

What would you do if you were Jessica? How harmful is pornography to a developing relationship? Is it wise for a single woman to date or court a guy who has a habit of viewing porn?

A recent survey found that 75% of young Christian men (18-30 years old) view porn at least “several times a month,” and 61% say at least “several times a week.” Sadly, what those statistics tell single women is that 3 out of the 4 Christian guys they meet struggle with porn on a regular basis. 

How un-dealt-with porn problems can harm one’s future marriage.

Although some single women take the boys-will-be-boys approach to porn, modern statistics show us that it’s not that simple. In 2002, at a meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, the divorce attorneys present said over half (56%) of their cases involved one party having “an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.” Porn is destroying thousands of marriages because it’s the type if sin that always promises satisfaction with “just one more look.” It creates an ever-growing wedge between the physical and emotional intimacy of the husband and wife. 

As Luke Gilkerson points out, “Pornography doesn’t teach men to serve, honor, and cherish their wives in a way that fosters romance. Pornography trains men to be consumers, to treat sex as a commodity, to think about sex as something on-tap and made-to-order.” Dr. Mary Anne Layden agrees: porn is “toxic miseducation about sex and relationships.”

Porn destroys relationships because it replaces real-life intimacy with a selfish, lust-saturated version of sex. It replaces real life relationships with a one-way, pleasure-on-demand, non-committal act that treats women as lust satisfying objects. 

Why getting married doesn’t “make it go away.” 

Some unmarried women think their boyfriend’s porn struggle will simply go away once they have access to sexual intimacy in marriage. However, this has proven to be false by countless marriage testimonies. If a man or woman views marriage as a porn-replacement they will be very disappointed. Why? Because marriage satisfies a sex drive, not a porn drive. Porn is lust-driven and getting married doesn’t automatically make the lust-filled heart go away. It might appear to help the problem at first, but before long, it will come back. 

Porn is an addictive sin that will not be satisfied long term with any alternatives, including marriage. Unless this sin is repented of and dealt with from the root up, it will always come back. 

While your man may be honest about his struggle, he may not have disclosed the depth or extent of the problem.

Although Brad appeared to be open and honest about his porn struggle to Jessica, objects in mirror are often larger than they appear. So often a porn addiction is just the tip of the iceberg. There may be many deep rooted issues and a convoluted view of love and sex. 

If your boyfriend admits to having a problem with porn, I would encourage you to find out more. Ask him good questions to understand more fully the extent of his struggle. When did you first view porn? How often have you viewed porn since then? Did you grow up in a home with porn? What kind of porn do you currently view? How harmful do you think porn is to a marriage? What are you doing, if anything, to find freedom from porn?

Understanding the depth and extent of his porn struggle is very important in helping you know how to handle the situation. 

So should a woman date a guy who struggles with porn?

I have only scratched the surface on the extreme problems and issues that arise from messing with porn. My advice to women like Jessica would be tailored for her specific situation, but would ultimately have the same conclusion: I do not think it is wise to enter into or remain in a dating or courtship relationship with a guy who is currently struggling with porn. It’s one thing if it is far in his past, but it’s a completely different ball game if he is currently struggling with it. 

Before you call me harsh, I encourage you to read some of the other blog posts on Covenant Eyesand you will quickly see the devastating effects porn has on relationships. I think it is wise to end the relationship until he is able to find victory and freedom from his porn habits. 

Think about it this way. Why would you want to move down a road towards marriage with a man who is already struggling to be faithful to you? Why would you want to enter into a union to become “one” with a man who is committing virtual adultery on a regular basis? I know what I’m saying isn’t easy and will require a lot of prayer, wisdom, and grace…but in the end it does not seem wise or healthy for you to stay in a relationship with a guy who currently struggles with porn. 

I encourage you to get wise counsel from your pastor or a godly older woman on how to handle your specific situation best. 

Signs a woman can look for to know he is repenting. 

Just because is it wise to end the relationship right now doesn’t mean it has to end forever. Maybe you ending the relationship will be a wake up call to him and will encourage him to seek help. Watch him once things are over to see if he has a sincere heart of repentance and a desire to honor God. 

Signs of repentance will look like him taking drastic safety measures to make sure his porn is hard to access (i.e. getting rid of his computer, only using the Internet in public places, etc.). It will look like him seeking accountability from godly men and programs like Covenant Eyes. It will look like him having a clean track record for quite a while once your relationship ends. It will look like him doing whatever it takes to find freedom and victory from the enslaving sin of porn, no matter how hard it is. 

Where does forgiveness fit into the picture?

Forgiveness might be hard for you to give at first, but in order to keep your heart from harboring bitterness, you will need to extend grace and forgiveness to him at some point. After all, porn is one form of sin and not one of us are sin-free. We must extend forgiveness to others as Christ has extended forgiveness to us. This doesn’t mean you accept, tolerate, or put up with his porn habits, it simply means you are choosing to forgive him and show him Christ-like love. 

You should also pray fervently for him during your time of separation that God would help him find lasting victory. If he does find lasting victory over porn and has a clean track record for a while, then I encourage you to seek God in prayer and pursue further wise counsel before getting back together. 

Have good conversations early on. 

Is porn a major problem today? Yes. Does porn have to infect every family, every relationship and every marriage? No! Having a plan of action as early on as possible will help you and your man in this fight. Having a good heart-to-heart talk early on in the relationship about this issue will help you and your significant other get on the same page. Discussing both of your expectations, beliefs about porn, plan for purity, etc. will help you know where the other person stands. It will also show the value and importance you both place on cultivating a porn-free relationship. 

Don’t wait until you’re five years into marriage to have these invaluable conversations—have them now. 

Whether you’re in a relationship yet or not, you can help your future husband fight the battle against porn right now by praying for victory, wisdom, and purity in his life today.

Written by: Kristen Clark

3 Secrets to Porn-Immune Kids

How do you immunize kids against porn? How do you porn-proof them so your kids stay safe online?

It’s no different than the many other dangers you train your kids to deal with–first you warn them, but then you’ve got to practice “what you preach” so they can react appropriately when they are exposed.

It’s kind of like a fire drill. First you teach them about the potential for danger; then you teach them how to get out of the house safely.

Beyond Warning

I believe that warning them is a great first step, and a boatload of kudos to you proactive parents who open a dialogue with your kids about pornography.

But may I suggest that you don’t stop there?

Arm your kids with a warning, and then follow up with the skills they need to protect their brains. It’s like building any kind of immunity–first you need the knowledge about good nutrition, exercise, cleanliness, and medical options, but then you’ve actually got to practice those good habits until they become skills.

Media defense skills empower kids to reject pornography and keep it from dominating their thoughts.

When bullies taunted me at school, my mom gave me some tools to deal with them. (She happens to be one of the funniest people you’ll ever meet. In fact, once her smart-alecky humor almost got us kicked off a tour bus in Hawaii! But that’s another story.) The witty verbal retorts she recommended often left my tormentors scratching their heads and looking dumbfounded. Pretty soon, the bullies left me alone. I was grateful for my mom’s bullying defense skills.

[Update: A few people have asked me for my mom’s advice in fending off bullies. I offer this not as professional advice that will work in every situation, but simply to share what worked for me. My mom said to “kill them with kindness.” Be nice. Don’t get angry. Don’t react the way they want you to react. She said that if they can’t get you upset, they’ll lose interest. Having said that, bullying today isn’t what it was a few decades ago. I’m not sure the witty, somewhat sarcastic replies (often back-handed compliments) I used then would be a good idea to use in every situation today. It seems like today’s kids are living in an emotional war-zone. I’m not an expert in this area, but I’m sure it helps kids when their parents offer praise and affirmation at home so kids can better handle the abuse they may get at school.]

Adults Underestimate the Pull of Porn

Even good kids who have had plenty of warnings to stay away from pornography still succumb. A study out of Europe documents what I believe is true the world over–parents simply underestimate their kids’ online exposure to pornography. They underestimate the enticing pull of these images–especially for kids who don’t know how to deal with the shocking memories they create.

Media Defense Skills

So here are three super simple, but super powerful, media defense skills to help kids supercharge their immunity to porn.

1. You’ve got TWO brains! Teaching kids they have two brains–the feeling brain and the thinking brain–is empowering for all kinds of growing up skills (which we explain in greater detail in Good Pictures Bad Pictures, a book to read with your children). The feeling brain is all about instinct, appetites and desires, and all of these are critical to survival. Pornography activates the feeling brain and, over time, can give it power to hijack the thinking brain—that part of the brain that understands consequences and puts the brake on our appetites. It may be helpful for kids to see their thinking brain as a super hero that needs to triumph over their feeling brain, the brain that is very curious about seeing pictures of naked people. Read more about teaching kids that they have two brains in my post: You Have Two Brains! 

2. Name it when you see it. “That’s pornography!” is a powerful phrase because it activates the pre-frontal cortex and revs up the thinking brain to take charge. If a child looks at a pornographic picture and thinks, “Wow! She’s exciting!” or “He’s hot!”—this response can easily lead to looking for more porn. But if kids are trained to say, “That’s pornography!” (and can practice saying it with their family), it wakes them up to the danger of what they’re seeing and the importance of rejecting it immediately. Read more about the power of this skill in my post entitled How to Avoid the Slippery Slope of Gateway Porn.

3. Practice the art of distraction. Pornographic images are extremely memorable. Especially for kids whose mirror neurons make the images feel all the more real. So when kids see anything that arouses their interest (it could be a scantily clad actress in a movie or a model in a bikini), those images are hard to forget. They keep popping up and enticing a child to look for more. Kids need to know this will happen and be prepared to distract themselves (or to get you to help them) every time the images reappear. It’s especially helpful to engage in something physical that requires their mind’s full attention. As they practice the art of distraction, those images will begin to fade as the neural pathway to that image erodes and weakens. Find out more about this skill in my post: Teach Kids Two Ways to “Forget” Porn.

These Skills Work for Me!

Click on image to purchase

It’s ironic (but not surprising) that as I’ve done research online for our read-aloud book, Good Pictures Bad Pictures, I’ve been exposed to more porn. Thankfully, these same media defense skills work for adults, too! By practicing them, those images have faded from my memory.

Shameless plug!

Good Pictures Bad Pictures (the companion book for the CAN DO Poster) includes an easy to remember 5-point CAN DO Plan for kids to employ when they see pornography. Subscribe to our PornProof Kids blog and get this free printable poster to give your kids the media defense skills they need. Click here to subscribe (P.S. If you received this blog in an email, you’re already subscribed.) You would never expect your child to be successful in school without learning the skills of reading and basic math. In the same way, kids cannot be expected to be successful at avoiding the traps of pornography without these simple but powerful media defense skills.

Posted April 2014  PornProof Kids™

Pocket Porn: Nearly a third of teens carry portable X-rated theaters

Jeff first saw porn when he was seven years old when he came upon a Playboy magazine. By fifth grade, the Internet became a main source of pornography for his young mind. As technology advanced, so did his obsession. But it was his iPod, and later his iPhone, that gave him such easy access.

The days of the X-rated movie theater may be nearly over, but unfortunately, many teens and young adults today are carrying around an adult theater in their pocket. Last year, US Internet users crossed a threshold. According to what is possibly the largest porn website in the world, now more than half (52%) of US porn use is coming from smartphones—yes, the majority of those who access porn in the United States are doing so from a mobile device.

Sadly, many teens are joining the ranks of mobile porn viewers. Today, 31% of 14-17-year-olds own a smartphone, and with no restrictions, smartphones can access graphic hardcore pornography with ease.

The Downward Spiral of Technology

Jeff describes his childhood introduction to the Internet as an “‘instant,’ vast, and deep hole.” Once online, he would look at anything and everything his fifth-grade mind could find. He soon discovered AOL Instant Messenger and the ability to sex chat with strangers. Peer-to-peer networks gave him access to vast amounts of porn, but with the invention of Flash and broadband Internet, his access to videos became even easier in middle school and high school.

Finally, his sophomore year of college, he got an iPod for his birthday. Jeff could lay in bed and watch porn with his headphones on while his roommate sat at the other end of the room unaware.

Realizing the depth of his addiction, he would attempt some sobriety, but these were short-lived seasons of success.

The summer after graduation, Jeff got an iPhone 4 with 3G access, and the pit got deeper and deeper.

Generation XXX

Talking to today’s college students, we know digital access to porn in the teenage years is not a new thing. More than 90% today’s college men and more than 60% of college women in the US saw porn before the age to 18. For most men (51%) their initial exposure to porn came before their teenage years (a third of women say the same).

Moreover, young men and women are not just consuming porn—they are becoming porn. Conservative estimates say about 20% of 16-year-olds and 30% of 17-year-olds have received a sext (sexually explicit text message) from someone else. Teens use Snapchat to send nude images of themselves—with the false hope that the image cannot be saved. Boyfriends and girlfriends use Skype to masturbate in front of their webcams for each other. Teens can use Tumblr or Facebook to post leaked sexting photos of their peers. Ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends are even posting sexual images of their ex online—a phenomenon called “revenge porn.” Sexual images like this are often a catalyst for “slut shaming.”

The Need for Mobile Accountability

Now more than ever, parents and schools need to broaden their approach to Internet safety.

1. Both parents and schools need to be proactively teaching teens about the negative impact of pornography. Programs like Fight the New Drug are coming to schools nationwide, teaching teens about negative health effects of porn compared to healthy human sexuality.
2. Both parents and schools need to recognize the problem with the anonymity of mobile pornography. Schools need to think hard about the devices they distribute to their students. Do school-issued iPads have access to porn both on and off school grounds? Does that iPod touch parents purchased for Christmas have protective restrictions?
3. Parents need to take a leading role in encouraging an environment of loving accountability in the home, showing sympathy for present struggles (if there are any) while setting appropriate limits on what should and should not be accessed on mobile devices. Accountability software should be installed on all mobile devices with a clear expectation that there is no room for privacy when it comes to harmful content online. (By the way, if you use Covenant Eyes Internet Accountability, you can now use our Android app to lock down other apps, like unmonitored browsers.)

Like Father, Like Son

Jeff isn’t the only one in his family impacted by pornography. His father, George, was also a porn addict—all while pastoring a church.

Jeff remembers his father catching him with porn when he was young and being punished for it. He also remembers the day when he was 18 years old—the day George confessed to him, his mom, and his siblings that he had an addiction to porn and had been wrapped in an affair. A few days later George resigned from his Senior Pastor position. “First he was my dad who punished me for looking at porn,” Jeff says. “Then he was the hypocrite who failed his family.”

After Jeff graduated college he moved in with his parents. After many valiant efforts to quit looking at pornography, and after a stint of victory, one day he found himself stressed out about an upcoming job interview. The stress triggered in his mind a desire to return to his old release valve of porn. He binged all afternoon and evening, and by that night he was sitting under the heavy weight of his shame.

Then a still small voice reminded him: “You know, your dad can help you with this, and he’s just at the end of the hall.” At this point in his life, Jeff still hated his father for the grief he put his family through, but he finally gave in and knocked on his father’s door.

I expected the man from my childhood to tell me how horrible I was and how guilty I should feel. Instead I was saw a man I had never met before. He told me how sorry he was. He offered to pray for me and encouraged me towards Jesus with the Gospel. I cried so hard that night, but I found so much peace. That began a healing work in the relationship between me and my father. It has taken almost four years, but he is now my sponsor, and we talk every day—if anything, just to check in. I am very thankful for him.

Written by Luke Gilkerson