5 Mistakes Parents Make When It Comes to Talking About Porn

Here are five ways parents typically botch up talking to their kids about porn.

1. Not talking about it at all

The first and biggest mistake is silence. Your child was created by God as a sexual being, and it is your job to give them the best possible information about the purpose of sexual desire. Because of the oversexed society we live in, the consequences of avoiding conversations about porn are simply too great.

Research shows that when adolescents are comfortable talking about sexuality with their parents, and when parents are proactive in teaching their children about sex, teens are far less likely to have early sexual intercourse and more likely to talk with their parents about important issues in their lives.

2. Not preparing before talking

Realizing that your child has been accessing porn repeatedly can be frightening, upsetting, and unnerving. If you find out your child is watching pornography, your gut reaction might be to speak to them immediately. Don’t. Take a day or two to figure out what you need to say.

If at all possible, delay having the conversation. If you find out on Tuesday that your child has accessed pornography, there’s no harm in waiting until Thursday or Friday to talk with them. You need time to process what you need to say and how you need to say it. Take time to rehearse what you need to say and pray God will give you a redemptive attitude.

3. Not listening to your child’s heart

There are many reasons why a child or teen begins looking at porn. When talking to your child about this subject, no matter what, don’t lose sight of the person sitting across from you. When you ask him or her a question, don’t be quick to fill the awkward silence with your voice. Give your son or daughter time to respond. Constantly remind yourself to hold your tongue and give your child space to talk.

Listen with a compassionate heart. Don’t use silence as a means to “glare down” at your child in disappointment. Let your eyes communicate tenderness. Listen to your child’s questions, curiosities, insecurities, lusts, guilt, shame, or emotions. Get raw, uncensored responses.

Remember: this conversation is not ultimately about porn; it is about you getting to know your child. This initial conversation is about unearthing your child’s motivations for viewing pornography.

4. Not monitoring Internet use

Knowing exactly what your child has accessed and when can be very helpful. The more knowledge you have, the less ambiguous the conversation will be.

Learn how to check the browsing history of any Internet device in the home. Know how to check any browsing apps on mobile devices as well. If you have Covenant Eyes Internet Accountability, you should have access to an un-erasable log of information such as search terms that were used, videos that were watched, and websites that were accessed. Take note of what they are and when they were accessed.

The goal of this knowledge is not to say “Gotcha!” When you question your child about what they were looking at and why, you are likely to hear the phrase like, “I don’t know” a few dozen times. Having this conversation will probably be very difficult for your son or daughter. The more information you can volunteer, the less of a burden he or she will have explaining everything to you from start to finish. “I noticed you were searching for ____,” you might say. “What made you curious about that?”

5. Not talking about the goodness of sex

Sex on screen only cheapens the goodness of sex. Viewing porn needs to be contrasted with the the good gift of sex as God has made it.

• Porn is selfish; sex is giving. When you watch porn, you are at the center of the fantasy. But having sex in a loving manner is about both receiving and giving pleasure. You don’t want to train your mind to see the opposite sex as a thing to be used rather than a person to be loved.
• Porn bonds you to an image; sex bonds you with a person. You are physically and emotionally wired for intimacy. That’s why God made sex so pleasurable, because it bonds a man and woman together. But when we lust after pornography, we are bonding to those images, not to a person.
• Porn is abusive; marital sex is nourishing. What you don’t see when you watch pornography is what it’s like when the camera stops recording: the world of drugs, alcohol, abuse, and brokenness. By watching pornography, we only give incentive to those who abuse these women to keep doing it.
• Porn dishonors God; marital sex honors Him. God has told us His will for us is to abstain from sexual immorality (1 Thessalonians 4:3). God will judge the sexually immoral and the adulterers because He wants the marriage bed kept pure (Hebrews 13:4). As a young man/woman of faith, don’t dishonor Him with your body by filling your mind with images of sin.

Sexting Influenced by Peer Pressure

Texting is a convenient way to instantly check in with friends, but it also has risks associated. Many teens engage in what’s called sexting, which refers to text messages that include intimate conversations and nude pictures or video. A recent study offers an explanation for the popularity of sexting among teens.

The practice of sexting has become widespread among young people. To better understand the reasons behind teen participation, researchers led by Tilburg School of Humanities’ Mariek Vanden Abeele, Ph.D. examined the influence of peer group dynamics. The researchers found a significant association between a teen’s social standing and their mobile porn use and sexting patterns.

Findings show teens are aware of risks associated with using a mobile phone to exchange intimate information. As a result, the researchers believed that peer pressure and a desire to be popular in a peer group may play an important role in teens’ decisions whether to engage in sexting. In addition, the researchers noted that neither scholars nor public opinion leaders were paying much attention to the sexting phenomenon.

Another recent study has supported the idea that peer pressure and sexting are related to trying to gain status in a social group. That research team looked at four aspects of peer group dynamics, including same-sex popularity, other-sex popularity, need for popularity and perceived peer pressure and how they relate to sexting and mobile porn use among those ages 11-20.

One key finding is that for boys sexting was found to be associated with higher self-perceived popularity among both female and male peers. However, girls associated sexting with being more popular among boys, but less popular with other females.

A second key finding shows that mobile porn use was almost completely limited to males, and especially by those boys that reported higher levels of peer pressure. The authors say that the finding suggests that along with earlier findings that show a connection between the use of magazine and other types of pornography, the use of such material is often at least as much about proving one’s “manliness” as it is about sex.

The studies show that among teens, the short-term benefits experienced in the form of enhanced popularity may outweigh the potential risks of engaging in sexting.

Posted under Sex Addiction in the News on Monday, August 4th, 2014

Don't think "How long can I put off the sex talk?"

The first time porn was served at the cafeteria lunch table, my son was 11 years old. Does that seem young to you? Research suggests that one in three children ages 11 to 14 have viewed pornography on a mobile device. Add to that the very real possibility that a child will stumble across explicit content on YouTube or in a pop-up ad during innocent computer usage, and one thing becomes clear: parents must be proactive in talking about porn with their kids.

 

I’m not a fearmonger when it comes to parenting. In fact, I think fear is a terrible motivator for making parenting decisions. But if children are being exposed to porn at young ages, the loving thing to do as a parent is to equip them to know how to respond. The most frequent parenting question I’m asked is, “When should I talk to my child about sex?” My adamant answer is, “Much earlier than you might think.” If you’re concerned about your child being exposed to porn, you have to talk about sex, and you must do so early.

 

Let me tell you what played out at the sixth-grade lunch table that day. When the phone with the images was offered, my son responded, “I don’t look at porn.” The owner of the phone, perplexed, asked, “Then how will you know how to have sex?” My son responded that his parents had told him all about it. Jaws dropped. Not one other sixth-grade boy at the table had yet talked with his parents about sex, or, it would seem, about porn. But they were by no means lacking in instruction.

 

We may stall on the sex talk, but the world will not. If we delay introducing the topic because of personal discomfort, shame, or uncertainty about how to begin, our children will form their first ideas about human sexuality based on the reports of their peers, the images on their devices, or the pop-ups that introduce them to porn. They will also assume their parents are not willing or equipped to handle discussions about sex.

Ask the Right Question

Too many parents are still asking the wrong question with regard to children and explicit content. We can no longer ask, “How should I prepare my child for if they see porn?” Instead we must ask, “How should I prepare my child for when they see porn?” External controls are important, but they only shield your child from a handful of instances when porn can make an appearance. Mobile devices are everywhere, and your neighbor’s unsecured Wi-Fi is easy to find.

 

We must begin giving our children internal controls as early as possible. We must give them a way to flee danger as soon as it presents itself. Just as parents of my generation taught their kids a script for when they were offered drugs, we must teach our kids a script for when they are offered porn. And we must be ready to have frank, fearless conversations about what they may have already seen, conversations free of any hint of condemnation. We must maintain a safe environment for openness and ongoing dialogue about this and other difficult topics.

 

Your children may very well be exposed to porn before they are developmentally able to understand what they are looking at. They need your help to know how to respond. Give them red flags, a script, and a plan.

Red Flags, a Script, and a Plan

Though not developmentally ready for a full-blown explanation of the nature and dangers of porn, young children can learn two red flags to help them avoid contact with it, two red flags that also guard against predators. Teach your child at a young age that “naked is private,” and that “don’t tell your mom and dad” means danger. Both of these red flags will help them recognize when they are being shown something you wouldn’t want them to see.

 

Train your children how to respond to an offer of porn by giving them scripted words to use, and a plan of action:

 

Parent: “If someone shows you a picture of something and asks you not to tell anyone, what should you do?”

 

Child: “Tell them ‘no thanks,’ and then come tell you.”

 

Parent: “If a picture of something strange comes up on the computer, what should you do?”

 

Child: “Ex it out, and then come tell you.”

 

Rehearse this language, just as you would rehearse what words to use in other situations, like if a stranger offered a ride home from school.

Culture of Confession

Children need to know they can come tell a parent without fear of getting in trouble or setting off high drama, even if (especially if) they looked at what was offered. When we give them permission to come to us, we reinforce a culture of confession in our homes. We may not be able to shield our kids from pornographic images, but we can give them the internal tools they need to protect them from becoming entangled in secrecy, shame, and a warped view of sexuality.

 

Whether they are 8 or 28, we want our children to choose confession over concealment every time. Reward their courage in coming to you by reacting calmly, affirming that they have done the right thing, and then helping them process what has happened and what to do moving forward.

 

We must communicate clearly to our children that porn is telling a lie and that we will tell them the truth. As your child gets older, talk frankly about what porn is, about how it teaches a perverted view of sexuality, and about how it exploits both the viewer and also those revealed in the images. Talk about the consequences of having a wrong view of sex and sexuality, the dangers of lust, and the sin of objectifying another person made in the image of God.

Start Early

If you have preschool-aged children, begin gathering resources now to help you naturally introduce the topic of sex in age-appropriate ways as opportunities present. (In other words, if you take your kids to the zoo in the spring, be ready to broach the subject if the animal kingdom introduces it.) Rather than think, How long can I put off the sex talk? ask, How soon can I begin to equip my child to filter messages about sex and sexuality in age-appropriate ways?

 

Be the first voice your child hears about sex and sexuality, and about fleeing porn exposure. Don’t let fear cause you to delay beginning this conversation. And don’t let fear cause you to have the conversation in a way that scares your child or casts sexuality in a negative light. Get educated about what resources are available to help you confidently and calmly discuss sex as a beautiful gift from God, to be enjoyed within the good boundaries he has set. Lovingly teach your kids red flags, a script, and a plan. And trust your heavenly Father that even this parenting hurdle is one he can help you surmount.

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Check out these additional resources. (By listing these resources I am not giving them an unqualified endorsement. As with all parenting resources, the responsibility lies with you to read discerningly, take what you can use, and leave the rest. Happy digging!)

• Talking to Your Kids About Sex and Puberty (Focus on the Family)
• God’s Design for Sex (Stan and Brenna Jones)
• Mary Flo Ridley’s blog. I was especially encouraged looking through the posts tagged “Sex Talk”
• Tim Challies’s approach to establishing both internal and external controls to protect your family from porn
• My related article on talking to kids about bad words: “The Mother of All Swear Words”

When Your Boyfriend Struggles with Porn

My boyfriend has been using porn since adolescence. During college he began to seek help by attending Sexaholics Anonymous meetings and being very involved with accountability and mentoring through that organization.

We are both Christians in our mid-20s, and he has read many other books over the years and prayed so much. He was open with me about his struggle before we started dating, and explained that he was getting help, but purity would probably always be a struggle in his life.

We are considering a serious relationship now, but my question is this—I know he’s serious about gaining victory in the area of sexual purity, and I know it’s going to be difficult, but what should I look for before considering a more serious relationship with him? Complete victory (i.e. not viewing porn and not masturbating) for a specific length of time? Improvement but not complete victory? I believe in God’s power to transform his life, and he does too, but this is still scary.

Most material I find is aimed at wives, and thus encourages them to stay and fight for the marriage, but there seems to be very little material for people considering marriage. What healthy expectations should I have?

First of all, I love that this young couple has already done a bunch of things right:

• He initiated the conversation about his struggle with a pornography habit.
• He got help.
• He continued to be honest about ongoing struggles.
• She listened.
• She educated herself.
• She’s thinking hard about her boundaries before she takes another step down the road to commitment.

That’s pretty impressive, in light of the harsh realities about today’s dating world.

7 Harsh Realities About Dating and Porn

1. Almost every young man—Christian or not—has been significantly exposed to pornography. Therefore, many men you date are dealing with this on some level. Realistically, you can either date a person who’s honest and tells you about his experience with porn, or you can date a person who’s pretending. Or you’ll find someone in the 1.5% of guys who has apparently been living under a rock.
2. You can promote honesty in the relationship by educating yourself and being open to the truth. You can’t guarantee honesty, though. You have to weigh the words you hear with the behaviors you see. If you’re not comfortable with what you’re hearing, if you don’t understand what you’re seeing, then let yourself understand that this is a problem. Don’t proceed until you feel comfortable and you have a good understanding of what’s going on.
3. You may very well need to start the conversational ball rolling, and you will need to keep having tough conversations as the relationship continues. Women have to be strong and courageous. We can’t wait around for someone else to do the right thing. If we know the right thing, we have to take action, even though that can be scary and hard. (See my suggestions below.)
4. “Instant victory” is a nice thing to hope for, and maybe sometimes it happens. Most of the time, though, I think you have to support your partner through a series of ups and downs as he learns to manage his issues. How much of that you want to do while dating is difficult and serious. Individual questions need to be honestly addressed and not glossed over. The truth is, he may not be ready to do the work, and you can’t do it for him. On the other hand, he may be working really hard and still struggling. Be real about what’s going on. Work to understand.
5. He won’t suddenly stop looking at porn if you get married and have lots of sex. It’s not about you.
6. He won’t suddenly stop looking at porn if you are skinny enough, pretty enough, sexy enough, funny enough, forgiving enough, overlooking enough. It’s not about you.
7. Porn will stop having a huge hold on his life as he does the practical work of prevention and becomes more honest, open, vulnerable, and emotionally intimate with the important people in his life: God, friends, mentors, family, and you—if you decide to stick around.

Need to have a difficult conversation? Try these questions on for size.

• “Pornography use is a real issue for lots of people these days. I’ve been reading some about it, and I’d like to hear about your experience with it.” Hint: You want to know at what age they were exposed, how frequently, and what their current use is like. You’re not looking for intimate details, just the outline of the issue.
• If the person tells you they don’t use porn, and never had have a problem with it, here’s a follow-up question: “I’d love to hear how you’ve managed something that most other people find really difficult to deal with?”
• To check if they have a prevention plan, you could ask: “How do you protect yourself on a regular basis from everything that’s out there on the Internet?”
• To see if they’re accountable and emotionally connected: “Who do you talk to about this? Who supports you?” “How do you think God feels about you?”
• To see what their expectations are of you: “What do you think my part should be with you in this issue?” 

7 Healthy Habits to Strive For

That brings us to the questions: What should I look for? What healthy expectations should I have?

Here are some healthy habits for any couple: dating, engaged, or married.

1. You should each be able to identify and take responsibility for your own issues. He has a habit, and you have emotions about that. While he does his work, you do yours as well.
2. You should understand how pornography affects the other person in the relationship and have emotional empathy for your partner’s struggle. He should understand your pain, and that it takes time to work through those emotions. At the same time, it’s important for you to see him as a person with deep needs, not just a jerk who’s trying to make you miserable.
3. The person with the habit has a plan for prevention and a plan for recovery after a relapse.
4. The person with the habit is consistently and voluntarily doing whatever he can, in terms of practical prevention: Internet blocking, filtering, and regular accountability. These things should be an ordinary part of everyday life.
5. There are people in your lives who are aware of what you’re working on, and who are able to talk with you, give feedback, and offer support. This goes for both parties.
6. You are growing in the ability to have normal, non-crisis conversations about how you are doing with your issues, and how the relationship is impacted.
7. We bring our mess to God and to our community of faith rather than trying to hide it or pretend it away. We trust that He is with us, and that our community is with us, on the journey.

One Absolute Guarantee

Here’s the thing: I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know what choices he’s going to make. I don’t know if you’re going to get the happily ever after that you want.

There is only one thing I know, for sure—one absolute guarantee—God loves you with an everlasting love, and whatever happens, you are safe in that love.

Knowing that, be wise, be strong, be courageous. Live in truth and freedom.

It's not a question of if your child will see porn but when

It's frightening how young our children are when they first see porn

Internet Predators 101: What you need to know to protect your kids

Headlines about Internet predators are fairly common today—so much so, we may have even grown deaf to them. “Man Charged with Solicitation of a Minor.” “Sexual Predator Arrested in Undercover Operation.” “Man Charged with Using Internet to Sexually Proposition 13-Year Old Girl.”

Predation is a widely reported but vastly misunderstood phenomenon. There are a variety of online predator-to-child scenarios parents need to be aware of. Knowing the truth could save your children from the dangers they face in the online world.

Scenario #1: Brutal Predators

These stories are perhaps the most nightmarish for parents to read about. This month we caught wind of a news story about a girl who posted her phone number on Facebook. An older man was able to use that information to find her address and track her down at home when she was alone.

In another story, a 38-year-old man posed as “Christine” in a chat room, eventually luring a girl from her home so he could kidnap her, take her across state lines where she was raped, beaten, and displayed on the Internet.

As distressing as these cases are, it is somewhat comforting to know that they are extremely rare. In a study of cases involving sexual offenses against children that originated with online encounters, only 5% of cases involved violence or the threat of violence, and only 3% involved actual abduction. There are over 10 million teens on Facebook in the United States, many of whom post basic personal information, with only a handful of traditional kidnapping incidents resulting from that.

Still, there are some very basic and important safety measures parents should make sure their children put in place.

1. Know about privacy settings and make sure your child uses them. If your teen uses Facebook, watch the step-by-step instructional videos that show you how to set the right privacy settings.
2. Talk to your teen about the danger of befriending those they do not know. Much of the purpose and value of of social networks is the ability to get to know people your friends know, and grow your personal network. But not all people on social networks are who they claim to be. Make sure your teen is aware of this.
3. Talk to your teen about the dangers of chat rooms. Most online predation begins in chat rooms. Many teens still use chat rooms as a place to meet new people with common interests, but teens should be very careful not to give out any personal information in these spaces or avoid them altogether.

Scenario #2: Blackmailing Predators

Several years ago a man was convicted of blackmailing several young girls to perform degrading sexual acts for him. He would pose as a teenage girl online, trying to get girls to do something embarrassing in front of their webcams. He would then use recordings of their compromising acts to blackmail the girls to do more sexually explicit things for him.

In another story, a man found revealing photos of a 14-year-old girl online. Using an alias he contacted the girl through Facebook and threatened to send the photos to her friends unless she sent him a sexually explicit video of herself.

Again, these cases are thankfully rare, but they also are a part of a much larger issue known as “sextortion.” Youth today live in a confessional culture: nothing, it seems, is too embarrassing to talk about or post on the Internet. Some teens also use cellphones or the Internet to transmit sexually explicit messages or images of themselves. Nearly one out of five teens have sent nude or seminude pictures of videos of themselves, and nearly 30% of teens say they have had images like these—originally meant for someone else’s eyes—shared with them.

These compromising photos can come back to haunt teens, and many times this can be at the hand of malicious peers. What starts as a seemingly harmless and flirtatious gesture can turn into ammunition used by others to embarrass, bully, or extort.

Stories about this offer parents great opportunities to teach their children valuable lessons.

1. Help your kids understand the importance of a good Internet reputation. In one recent survey, two out of five teenage girls said they were concerned about unwanted consequences because of stuff they have posted on their online profiles—consequences like being turned down by a potential employer, being rejected by their college of choice, or losing the respect of their friends and family. Help your children understand that images they post online may be difficult or impossible to erase.
2. Help your kids understand their motivations behind the temptations they face online. Some girls, for instance, choose to portray a “sexy” or “crazy” image of themselves online because they lack self-esteem. Over 40% of teens say there is pressure from their peers to post sexy photos or videos. The majority of teens who have sexted have done it to be flirtatious or to get a boy’s or girl’s attention. Rather than simply addressing the compromising behavior when it arises, parents need to be aware of these pressures and motivations in their children and help them to work our their feelings in healthy ways.

Scenario #3: Befriending Predators

The vast majority of predation cases that start online fit into this category. Dr. David Finkelhor from the Crimes Against Children Research Center spoke about a typical predation case for the Internet Caucus Advisory Committee:

So for example, Jenna—this is a pretty typical case—13-year-old girl from a divorced family, frequented sex-oriented chat rooms, had the screen name, ‘Evil Girl.’ There she met a guy who, after a number of conversations, admitted he was 45. He flattered her, sent her gifts, jewelry. They talked about intimate things. And eventually, he drove across several states to meet her for sex on several occasions in motel rooms. When he was arrested in her company, she was reluctant to cooperate with law enforcement authorities.

Finkelhor’s findings are based on a study of actual cases of predation from a random sample of more than 2,500 law enforcement agencies. In these cases, nearly two-thirds of victims communicated with their offender online for more than a month, forming feelings of genuine trust, friendship, or romance. Half of victims said they felt close with or were in love with their offender. Surprisingly, very few pretended to be teens online or were dishonest about their sexual intentions. In nearly three-quarters of the cases, victims met with their offender offline more than once, and in a quarter of the cases victims ran away to be with their offender.

These statistics tell us that the majority of predation cases are actually examples of statutory rape. Predators often prey on a teen’s desire to be liked, using sympathy and flattery to manipulate them. While this is a form of deception, it is not overt deception but rather a subtle and powerful form of psychological and emotional manipulation. These are criminal seductions that take advantage of teenage vulnerabilities.

Again, parents need to know if their teen is a likely target. Teens most at risk are those who use the Internet to express an interest in sex or portray a sexy image. While it is normal for teens to be curious about sexuality and seek affirmation from others, for some this can become a secret obsession.

Peer Predators

A sexual predator is defined as an adult who solicits a minor, but studies show that unwanted solicitations are actually more common among peers.

One in five teens who regularly use the Internet say they have received an unwanted sexual solicitation in the last year, but nearly half of these solicitations were from others they knew were their peers and another quarter were from young adults (18 to 21 years old).

For parents it is important to train our children to react appropriately to these advances.

1. If the solicitation has been aggressive or has caused distress, it is appropriate to contact the necessary authorities (police, school administration, and other parents).
2. Most solicitations from other minors or older teens are not aggressive, but should be cause for alarm. It is certainly normal teenage behavior to flirt with one’s classmates or peers, but parents should teach their children appropriate boundaries of conversation. Sexual advances or conversations that are stopped early are far less likely to blossom into bigger issues.

Predator Protection: A Word About Software

Protecting our teens against predators involves good parenting more than it is involves technological barricades. Aaron Smith, Research Specialist for the Pew Internet & American Life Project, agrees: “Internet monitoring software that allows parental supervision seems to be more effective than online filtering software in limiting contact with strangers online.”

Monitoring or accountability software gives parents access to the information they need to start good conversations with their kids about their activity online. In an online world full of traps and temptations, teens need more than fences that try to keep predators out. Fences do no good if teens themselves are constantly venturing outside of them. Rather, teens need proactive parents who are willing to help them navigate through a world that wants to steal their innocence.

15 Sites and Apps Kids Are Heading to Beyond Facebook

Are teens totally over Facebook? Or are they using it even more than ever? Recent reports go back and forth on teens’ favorite digital hangout, but the fact is that the days of a one-stop shop for all social networking needs are over. Instead, teens are dividing their attention between an array of apps and tools that let them write, share, video chat, and even shop for the latest trends.

15 Social Media Tools Teens Are Using Most

Twitter
Instagram
Snapchat
Tumblr
Google+
Vine
Wanelo
Kik Messenger
Ooovoo
Ask.fm
Yik Yak
WhatsApp
Omegle
Yo.
Whisper

1. Twitter is a microblogging site that allows users to post brief, 140-character messages — called “tweets” — and follow other users’ activities.

Why it’s popular
Teens like using it to share quick tidbits about their lives with friends. It’s also great for keeping up with what’s going on in the world — breaking news, celebrity gossip, etc.

2. Instagram is a platform that lets users snap, edit, and share photos and 15-second videos — either publicly or with a network of followers.

Why it’s popular
Instagram unites the most popular features of social media sites: sharing, seeing, and commenting on photos. Instagram also lets you apply fun filters and effects to your photos, making them look high quality and artistic.

3. Snapchat is a messaging app that lets users put a time limit on the pictures and videos they send before they disappear.

Why it’s popular
Snapchat’s creators intended the app’s fleeting images to be a way for teens to share fun, light moments without the risk of having them go public. And that’s what most teens use it for: sending goofy or embarrassing photos to one another. Snapchats also seem to send and load much “faster” than email or text.

4. Tumblr is like a cross between a blog and Twitter: It’s a streaming scrapbook of text, photos, and/or videos and audio clips. Users create and follow short blogs, or “tumblelogs,” that can be seen by anyone online (if made public).

Why it’s popular
Many teens have tumblrs for personal use — sharing photos, videos, musings, and things they find funny with their friends. Tumblelogs with funny memes and gifs often go viral online, as well (case in point: “Texts from Hillary”).

5. Google+ is Google’s social network, which is now open to teens. It has attempted to improve on Facebook’s friend concept – using “circles” that give users more control about what they share with whom.

Why it’s popular
Teens aren’t wild about Google+ yet. But many feel that their parents are more accepting of it because they associate it with schoolwork. One popular aspect of Google+ is the addition of real-time video chats in Hangouts (virtual gatherings with approved friends), and some schools may use Google Docs for classroom assignments.

6. Vine is a social media app that lets users post and watch looping six-second video clips. This Twitter-owned service has developed a unique community of people who post videos that are often creative and funny — and sometimes thought-provoking.

Why it’s popular
Videos run the gamut from stop-motion clips of puzzles doing and undoing themselves to six-second skits showing how a teen wakes up on a school day vs. a day during summer. Teens usually use Vine to create and share silly videos of themselves and/or their friends and family.

7. Wanelo (Want, Need, Love) combines shopping, fashion blogging, and social networking all in one. It’s very popular among teens, allowing them to discover, share, and buy products they like.

Why it’s popular
Teens keep up with the latest styles by browsing Wanelo’s “trending” feed, which aggregates the items that are most popular across the site. They can also cultivate their own style through the “My Feed” function, which displays content from the users, brands, and stores they follow.

8. Kik Messenger is an app-based alternative to standard texting that kids use for social networking. It’s free to use but has lots of ads.

Why it’s popular
It’s fast and has no message limits, character limits, or fees if you just use the basic features, making it decidedly more fun in many ways than SMS texting.

9. Oovoo is a free video, voice, and messaging app. Users can have group chats with up to 12 people for free. (The premium version removes ads from the service.)

Why it’s popular
Teens mostly use Oovoo to hang out with friends. Many log on after school and keep it up while doing homework. Oovoo can be great for group studying and it makes it easy for kids to receive “face to face” homework help from classmates.

10.Yik Yak is a free, location-aware, social-networking app that lets users post “anything and everything” anonymously through brief, Twitter-like comments, which are distributed to the geographically nearest 500 people who are also signed in to the app.10.

Why it’s popular

Kids can find out opinions, secrets, rumors, and more: plus, they’ll get the bonus thrill of knowing they’ve all come from a 1.5 mile radius (maybe even from the kid at the desk in front of them!).

11. Ask.fm is a social site that lets kids ask questions and answer those posted by other users — sometimes anonymously.

Why it’s popular
Although there are some friendly interactions on Ask.fm — Q&As about favorite foods or crushes, for example — there are lots of mean comments and some creepy sexual posts. This iffy content is part of the site’s appeal for teens.

12. WhatsApp lets users send text messages, videos, photos, and audio messages to one or many people with no message limits or fees.

Why it’s popular

The price is right — for teens who have a hard time keeping within the limits of a standard texting plan, the ability to send unlimited messages for free is a definite bonus.

13. Omegle is a chat site (and app) that puts two strangers together in their choice of a text or video chat room.

Why it’s popular

Being anonymous can be very attractive to teens, and Omegle provides a no-fuss opportunity to make connections. Its “interest boxes” also let users filter potential chat partners by shared interests.

14.Yo. is a bare-bones social app that sends a short text message to friends and family, simply reading “Yo” (and speaking the word aloud). That’s it.

Why it’s popular

This admittedly silly concept has taken off big-time since the app’s release in mid-2014. While it may not seem like much, this single word has the potential to let friends and family know you’re thinking of them, and just wanted to say, you know, “Yo.”

15. Whisper is a social “confessional” app that allows users to post whatever’s on their mind, paired with an image.

Why it’s popular With all the emotions running wild in the minds of teens, anonymous outlets give them freedom to share their feelings without fear of judgment.

When Your Child is Looking at Porn A Step-By-Step Guide for Christian Parents

When a parent discovers her child or teenager has been looking at pornography, it can be alarming, hurtful, even frightening. In the confusion of the moment, it it important for parents to understand that these are not uncharted waters. Millions of parents have faced this situation. Millions more will face this situation in the future. The critical question is: Will they face it well?

At this moment around the world, tens of thousands of youth are looking at pornography.

• 25% of teens have been exposed to porn online when they weren’t even looking for it.
• 90% of boys and 70% of girls, ages 13 to 14, report accessing porn at least once the previous year
• 35% of boys report viewing porn online “too many times to count”

When Your Child is Looking at Porn is a step-by-step conversation guide. The guide includes:

• Information about the prevalence of pornography use today
• A four-step process for discussing pornography with a child or teen
• Scripts for conversing with a child about pornography in the light of biblical sexuality
• Answers to frequently asked questions
• Information about porn use vs. porn addiction
• A plan for protecting your home and Internet devices

Brought to you by trusted Christian leaders behind the popular Covenant Eyes software, When Your Child is Looking at Porn is an indispensable guide for Christian parents.

Free E-Book Download

Pocket Porn: Nearly a third of teens carry portable X-rated theaters

Jeff first saw porn when he was seven years old when he came upon a Playboy magazine. By fifth grade, the Internet became a main source of pornography for his young mind. As technology advanced, so did his obsession. But it was his iPod, and later his iPhone, that gave him such easy access.

The days of the X-rated movie theater may be nearly over, but unfortunately, many teens and young adults today are carrying around an adult theater in their pocket. Last year, US Internet users crossed a threshold. According to what is possibly the largest porn website in the world, now more than half (52%) of US porn use is coming from smartphones—yes, the majority of those who access porn in the United States are doing so from a mobile device.

Sadly, many teens are joining the ranks of mobile porn viewers. Today, 31% of 14-17-year-olds own a smartphone, and with no restrictions, smartphones can access graphic hardcore pornography with ease.

The Downward Spiral of Technology

Jeff describes his childhood introduction to the Internet as an “‘instant,’ vast, and deep hole.” Once online, he would look at anything and everything his fifth-grade mind could find. He soon discovered AOL Instant Messenger and the ability to sex chat with strangers. Peer-to-peer networks gave him access to vast amounts of porn, but with the invention of Flash and broadband Internet, his access to videos became even easier in middle school and high school.

Finally, his sophomore year of college, he got an iPod for his birthday. Jeff could lay in bed and watch porn with his headphones on while his roommate sat at the other end of the room unaware.

Realizing the depth of his addiction, he would attempt some sobriety, but these were short-lived seasons of success.

The summer after graduation, Jeff got an iPhone 4 with 3G access, and the pit got deeper and deeper.

Generation XXX

Talking to today’s college students, we know digital access to porn in the teenage years is not a new thing. More than 90% today’s college men and more than 60% of college women in the US saw porn before the age to 18. For most men (51%) their initial exposure to porn came before their teenage years (a third of women say the same).

Moreover, young men and women are not just consuming porn—they are becoming porn. Conservative estimates say about 20% of 16-year-olds and 30% of 17-year-olds have received a sext (sexually explicit text message) from someone else. Teens use Snapchat to send nude images of themselves—with the false hope that the image cannot be saved. Boyfriends and girlfriends use Skype to masturbate in front of their webcams for each other. Teens can use Tumblr or Facebook to post leaked sexting photos of their peers. Ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends are even posting sexual images of their ex online—a phenomenon called “revenge porn.” Sexual images like this are often a catalyst for “slut shaming.”

The Need for Mobile Accountability

Now more than ever, parents and schools need to broaden their approach to Internet safety.

1. Both parents and schools need to be proactively teaching teens about the negative impact of pornography. Programs like Fight the New Drug are coming to schools nationwide, teaching teens about negative health effects of porn compared to healthy human sexuality.
2. Both parents and schools need to recognize the problem with the anonymity of mobile pornography. Schools need to think hard about the devices they distribute to their students. Do school-issued iPads have access to porn both on and off school grounds? Does that iPod touch parents purchased for Christmas have protective restrictions?
3. Parents need to take a leading role in encouraging an environment of loving accountability in the home, showing sympathy for present struggles (if there are any) while setting appropriate limits on what should and should not be accessed on mobile devices. Accountability software should be installed on all mobile devices with a clear expectation that there is no room for privacy when it comes to harmful content online. (By the way, if you use Covenant Eyes Internet Accountability, you can now use our Android app to lock down other apps, like unmonitored browsers.)

Like Father, Like Son

Jeff isn’t the only one in his family impacted by pornography. His father, George, was also a porn addict—all while pastoring a church.

Jeff remembers his father catching him with porn when he was young and being punished for it. He also remembers the day when he was 18 years old—the day George confessed to him, his mom, and his siblings that he had an addiction to porn and had been wrapped in an affair. A few days later George resigned from his Senior Pastor position. “First he was my dad who punished me for looking at porn,” Jeff says. “Then he was the hypocrite who failed his family.”

After Jeff graduated college he moved in with his parents. After many valiant efforts to quit looking at pornography, and after a stint of victory, one day he found himself stressed out about an upcoming job interview. The stress triggered in his mind a desire to return to his old release valve of porn. He binged all afternoon and evening, and by that night he was sitting under the heavy weight of his shame.

Then a still small voice reminded him: “You know, your dad can help you with this, and he’s just at the end of the hall.” At this point in his life, Jeff still hated his father for the grief he put his family through, but he finally gave in and knocked on his father’s door.